1.
I am erasing your fingerprints from my body
so that it doesn’t ache for your touch anymore.
2.
My lips are chapped.
My throat is dry.
My eyes are sore.
She’s aching for you.
3.
I am starting to forget
what those lingering hands felt like.
4.
I don’t hate you.
I probably still love you
and will for a long time.
But you are not giving me what I need
and that’s okay.
That’s why I have to leave.
This is goodbye.
5.
It’s 3am and you’re the only person
I still want to be sleeping next to.
But I don’t want to only wake up in your bed after nights out.
I want it all.
Dinners, slow evenings,
the ordinary things.
6.
I don’t know whether it’s the lingering hands in the goodbye,
or the way he looks at me
like I’m the most beautiful thing on earth.
I miss him.
I get so lost in the hugs
till I’m speechless and breathless.
He has that kind of effect.
I should walk away
but I find myself wondering how he is doing,
wanting to hear him laugh one more time,
to keep seeing him,
to keep letting him graze me.
So I write,
because this is how we move on.
7.
I am afraid you are not someone I get to keep.
I’m afraid I’ll get hurt when I accept that.
Even though I still enjoy everything about you,
every minute of your presence.
But the fact remains,
you are not mine, never were,
and I am not yours.
8.
Goodbye.
Sometimes it lasts in love
but sometimes it hurts instead.
I’ll always wonder,
did you ever feel loved by me?
Why would you hold me like that
if you never meant for anything to happen?
Did you ever love me?
If I went back to the night
when those touches started to mean something
and changed everything,
would we be together?
I am writing our last chapter.
This started out so beautifully,
it poured life onto my heart.
But this is not what it set out to be anymore.
This is hurting. This is toxic.
I’m not sure how this ends.
I am on my knees begging God
to never let me attach like this
to anything that doesn’t belong to me
ever again.
I don’t think lovers can be friends.
The feelings I have for you have to go.
I have to let you go
and you have to let me let you go.
This is goodbye.